Oh week four, you came and went with such quickness, I mean really was that not the fastest game of the week ever? No dicktowels were passed out, but the undefeated Happy Shirt crew did give all our asses a lil boost with computer sleeve-floatation device-cushions. Thanks for the gifts you guys, hopefully Tyler enjoyed the summer’s largest Happy Birthday sing along in his honor.
As I turned up my stereo yesterday, put on my formidable “tyler and the dicktowels mix” (yes that is what I named the mix when we played against them) and began to get the party started. While imbibing and blowing shit up with equal domination for the 4th, kickball and music got stuck in my head. For many teams music is the olive in the martini, the cherry on the sundae, the foam on a latte. That sweet and salty lil addition to our games that rev us up, make us focus, or make us do a little dance before we play. For certain teams music is mandatory.
The Goats each pick a song for the season, asteroidHEAD regularly has a dj with mixing capabilities, Murda Inc brings a pink CREAM-colored stereo to their games, Chalmersiz got DJ Candlepants at the helm, the Fees always turn it up to eleven with their mixes and Sean Wilson from the Rockets rides his bike with the worlds largest boom box to their games (well until week one when rain washed it away).
Music and the KVKL, it’s such a part of who we are. After game of the week we gather together to talk, to flirt, to drink and to dance it upstairs at Harbor. Each week we have a different DJ who plays in the league toss us ditties that make our asses go boom. So what if each team had a song? I think we all deserve that and even if you don’t want one I am giving you one anyways.
THE KVKL in 32 SONGS…..
AsteroidHEAD vitalized by KANbucha – TRUCKIN – Jerry Garcia has an asteroid named for him and has always been known to be a lil heady (if you catch my drift) so it seems fitting this tie-dyed team of kanbucha lovers should be represented by the one and only grateful dead. Check out Bob Wiers diving tank top and short shorts in this live performance, you’d think he jumped on stage after a game at Lyons. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmukyU9zTiY
BAD NEWS BAGELS – BAD REPUTATION – This song was featured in the classic Bad News Bears movie and pretty much sums this team up. They give a fuck but also don’t give a fuck of what they do to you on the field. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RAQXg0IdfI
BAIL RIDE –HEY MICKEY – What happens when you add a delicious herb to their name? You go from slow ride take it easy to Oh Basil Ride you’re so fine you blow my mind. And we all know that Alexis and Erin A love cheerleading, if only one of the dudes on their team could sport pigtails…
BREWBALLERS – TAKE OFF – A team named after a brewery, hopefully one of their members is from Canada or loves Geddy Lee from Rush. Regardless Bob and Doug McKenzie make everyone happy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Jm4LoOaAWI
BULLETPROOF TIGERS – EVERYTHING POPULAR IS WRONG – I am guessing the BPT didn’t take their name from this mathrock band from Canada. However the more i listened and watched this band in action the more it made sense. Cougar often is off beat, he likes stats and if you watch the video this band likes to smoke, drink and grab their junk while staying in a hotel (Cougar works at a hotel). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Utht5ES0DNc
CHALMERSIZ – BUMP n GRIND – Sexy, gritty, sporty and a lil nasty. That’s our Chalmersiz. They can go deep, they can bump it and tap it when needed. Chalmersiz are the most fuckable and when you wanna fuck (or get urinated on) it better be with a lil R Kelly.
CHANNEL 6 TOE POKES – HEIST THAT CANDY – Remember this team is based on our local cable channel. That means they’ve got mad talents on and off the field. And who doesn’t love Reeses Pieces.
DAS BOOT – BOOTYLICIOUS – They got the biggest legs in the league. So why would they not be represented by the finest of all women around Beyonce and her girl group destiny’s child. I don’t think you are ready for DAS BOOTYLICIOUS.
FREE STATE GROWLERS – CARRY ON WAYWARD SON – Free State is one of longest existing teams in the league. They are the first microbrewery in Kansas. They know how to carry on in the league year in and year out competing in the less awesome championship. Enjoy this truly 70s live video of this song, and maybe it will make you think twice about the power of the growlers.
GHOSTS – PACMAN FEVER / I AINT AFRAID OF NO GHOST – Some teams will get two songs, don’t get pissy about it for those that only got one. I mean come on their shirts are pac man themed, and they are named the Ghosts, and really you SHOULD be aftraid of them. Here’s hoping both of these songs get the Ghosts out of their losing streak, cause Binky is outta site!
GOATS – WE ARE FAMILY – Goats are naturally curious and hang out in tribes. The Goats of the KVKL are no different. There are sisters on the team, married couples, former couples but mainly a group of friends who work and play together. Goats are also cute, sassy and make hilarious noises. So enjoy a lil sister sledge and some of the greates Goat videos ever.
HAPPY SHIRT – HAPPY – So many options here, come on get happy by the partridge family, don’t worry be happy by Bobby McFerrin. However like Pharrell has a signature Arbys Hat, Happy Shirt has their signature dicktowel. Clap along if you agree. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM
HARPER VALLEY PTA – TOWNIE. It would have been too easy to pick the Jeannie C Riley song from 1968. It also would have been way too easy to pick a song by local musicians and harpies Matt Pryor or Arthur Dodge. This is a team of townies and future townies, and a Kansas band called truck stop love in 1993 put out a most memorable song called Townie. Can you remember when you were eighteen and so bad? These guys can. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tO5mFDhf8Y
HOTEL LOBBY – HOLIDAE IN – After the show it’s the after party, after the party it’s the hotel lobby. Again not going for the obvious, because this team has never self proclaimed themselves most fuckable like another team in the league who already gets the R Kelly seal of approval. This teams got the go-pro and are undefeated, make your mammaries giggle fo shizzle dizzle coz a hotel lobby game is quite a fiesta! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmKjTC8yDFM&feature=kp
HURTZ DONUT D-HOLES – HAIR OF THE DOG – The D-holes know they are bad asses. They have shirts with a donut flipping us the bird. The code of conduct was created due to a player on their team. That’s right now you are messing with a son of a bitch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vp6-8g-nw4A
THE JAZZHAUS – BITCHES BREW – Miles Davis was a bad motherfucker in every shape of the word. He liked he liked to imbibe, he had amazing fashion, he liked to fuck and he took jazz to outerspace and beyond. The Jazzhaus I believe enjoys (de)vices of the same but different nature, the more legal kinds.
KUNT PUNTS – 212FT – The former Corksuckers team went there this year. Took the C word changed it to a K and put a punt behind it. My musical brain wanted to pick an Anal Cunt song but really Azealia Banks is a hot female rapper who uses the word cunt better than most. These bitches wanna compete. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUXzAYLmvPQ
LOS MATADORES – REAL AMERICAN – Sometimes you gotta take a stand and not hide. Sometimes you gotta fight for what’s right. The Matadores are that team. They don’t take winning lightly. Their courage keeps them free. Bet you don’t actually know wrote this lil gem. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKJDAVvs_JA
LOVE GARDEN SQUIDS – PLAYERS BALL – When your team is owned by a record store picking a song can be tough. However like the Squids, OutKast are classic and making a comeback. Cause Im a player, doing what the players do…. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFofKGKlWo4
MERCHANTS OF DEATH – ENTER SANDMAN – If you choose to be called merchants of death, the only band worthy of that is Metallica. On and off the stage Metallica are pure evil, but the people on merchants of death are not, but I know deep in their hearts they want to be as bad as metallica. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QP-SIW6iKY
MURDA INC – WU TANG CLAN AINT NOTHIN TO F-WIT – Does cash rule everything about this team? We do know they can bring the ruckus coz its all about the WU. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88jr9QUxbcs
RATS – BULLET WITH BUTTERFLY WINGS – The Rats are becoming one of the have you heard, they’re good teams. In case you also hadn’t heard the smashing pumpkins were really good, even if that tall bald Billy Corgan in their band still thinks he was a rat in a cage. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88jr9QUxbcs
RED LYON TAVERN – BEAUTIFUL DISASTER – The Red Lyon can play beautifully they can also sometimes be a complete disaster. After seeing most of their team at 311 this holiday weekend seemed only fitting this be their song, coz some teams like bands get better with age. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDQlSUjqsuo
THE ROCKETS – THE MAN DON’T GIVE A FUCK – Lots of music lovers on this team. Some listen to hippie and blue grass, some warped tour punk, some only listen to soccer but one thing about this team, they don’t give a fuck what you think about them. From the Super Furry Animals, a band that once performed on a tank that shot rockets? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5APBfWZFD84
SACRED SWORD – I’M THE ONE – What song do you give the team that probably knows more about music than any other team in the league. I almost picked a show tune just so Mike Tiffany would be like WTF. Instead I went with a band that called parts of southern Missouri home and I am pretty sure helped shape most of their teams reason for loving music, The Descendents. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXbPlFgSfao&feature=kp
THE SCREAMERS – ACTION & ACTION – When I think of screamers, I think of emo. I think of an album called something to write home about, a record that features a member of the KVKL. This team is a younger team that seems to be down for whatever (including hosting the GOTW cooking duties this week!).
SPACE PUSSY – EAT IT – That’s right, spacepussy knows there should always be a little humor when it comes to kickball. They don’t wanna argue they don’t wanna debate. So just eat it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcJjMnHoIBI
TACO TUESDAY – PUTTIN ON THE RITZ – As much as I wanted to put down all the memorable taco john’s songs (including the Feliz Navidad one) in this teams coffer, a one hit wonder from the 80s seemed more appropriate coz they are super duper.
TERREBONNE PO’BOYS – STOMP! – Winning 3 of the last 4 should give them the we are the champions from queen video. But I also know this team has a deep love of all things funky and soul while they stomp over us all with their championship moves. All hail the brothers Johnson. Oh wait for kickball I mean the brothers McKee.
UP TO ELEVEN LATE FEES – PUT A RING ON IT – Mick proposed to Robyn at Hobbs, that following June he put a ring on it as they got married at Hobbs. Seems only fitting this song would be the only one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY&feature=kp
WHERES MY PITCHES – ME AGAINST THE WORLD – The former west coast saloon keeps it west coast style, sporting shirts of their fave dead rapper. Just remember life goes on.
WILDMAN ATTACK FORCE – BORN IN THE USA – This team just celebrated their Bday a few days ago, hopefully none of them lost a finger showing American pride with fireworks either. However this team gets 2 tunes, because born in the USA is just that easy. Song #2 is what I think CJ sings in the shower coz he can and he kinda is (-;
A final plug, dont miss DJ Ladies Night after game of the week its gonna have an island theme. lei’s and bubbles to dance around with upstairs at Harbor.